It has certainly been awhile since my last blog...offering an apology would assume that some of you may have missed my blog postings...although that would be great, it is obvious that I have not ever been very consistent. This is something I would like to change.
Over the course of this past year, since the passing of my Father-in-Law, I have struggled with what may be the reality of my impact on this world for Christ. I have had frequent thoughts of posting, however, my reflection on our human tendency to be wavering individuals has stopped me. What we deem important in February is barely a thought 2 months later - a personal principal we hold so strongly to in 2003, we realize in 2013 was stubborn, relative and naive. So, where is the line? Where is the balance between a strong conviction that is pure and loving and stubborn, selfish judgement?
I desperately desire to be like Jesus...a feat no one will reach on this side of eternity. But as I continue to grow, just like a child, I must remember to make room for grace. Grace for others and grace for myself. As a child develops, understanding grows and this affects their behavior. The same should be of me and other followers of Christ. We can hold firm to our convictions, but do so with grace and love.
Last week, the kids and I were able to visit Missouri and Illinois, thus giving us the opportunity to visit our church we attended for nearly 6 years. (Sidebar: If you are in the area of St. Louis, MO, Victory Church in O'Fallon, IL is a wonderful church home!!) They have recently started studying Grace: More than We Deserve, Greater than We Imagine by Max Lucado in their small groups. Pastor Jon Cannon's sermon was over a portion of this and hit me square between the eyes. Naturally, I bought the study guide so I could look over the questions that these small groups were being asked to ponder. Then once in Missouri, I broke down and bought the book. After reading the second page of the first chapter, this is what the Lord set before me:
You stare into the darkness. Your husband slumbers next to you. The ceiling fan whirls above you. In fifteen minutes the alarm will sound, and the demands of the day will shoot you like a clown out of a cannon into a three-ring circus of meetings, bosses, and baseball practices. For the millionth time you'll make breakfast, schedules, and payroll...but for the life of you, you can't make any sense of this thing called life. Its beginnings and endings. Cradles and cancers and cemeteries and questions. The why of it all keeps you awake. As he sleeps and the world waits, you stare. (p. 6)If this sounds like you, I want to invite you along - go find Max Lucado's book Grace: More than We Deserve, Greater than We Imagine, I would love to hear about your journey as I embark on my own, but there are always times that we must remain silent as we forge ahead. Please know either way, I will be in prayer for you.
Have a blessed journey!